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14 January 2014 @ 03:00 am
Hands of Fate: Chapter Five  
Title: Caught in the Hands of Fate
Author: fadedsparks
Beta: lunadragonx
Art: trueshellz
Fandom: RPS
Pairing: Jensen/Jared
Rated: R, with NC-17 in later chapters
Genre: AU, Angst, Romance
Disclaimer: This isn't meant to offend anyone and I am making no profit from it.
Warnings: Violence and Homophobia. Also, Jensen and Jared are the same age in this story.
Summary: Jensen has had his share of ups and downs, but he pushes forward and tries not to take life for granted. Starting college in California seems like the right choice for him, and everything is going better than he imagined it would. However, fate can be a tricky thing sometimes.



-~*~-
Chapter Five:
Falling Away With You
-~*~-



Jensen releases a sigh as he closes his text book and shoves it in his backpack. The whole class was supposed to read the chapter on Behavioral Dynamics, and make notes on the parts they needed to remember for the test they will be having tomorrow morning. Jensen’s mind, however, could hardly focus on the words in front him, and he wasn’t able to finish the chapter in time. He knows this means he will have to finish reading and taking notes later on tonight. He was really looking forward to having a relaxing night, but now it looks as though that’s not going to happen.

Gathering the rest of his things, Jensen leaves the class room and proceeds to walk down the hall at a leisurely pace. People rush past him on their way to the dorms or their next class, but he pays them little to no attention. His day has been a tiring one, and all he wants is to get back to his room and find rest that only his bed can bring him. He knows he won’t be finding any though, not for a while at least. He still has his class work to finish, and he has to work tonight as well.

He wants to blame Jared for how distracted and tired he has been the past few days, but he knows that isn’t fair. That day at Disneyland has been replaying over and over again in his head, making him think about his decision to reject Jared. Part of him hates himself for doing it, he yells at himself silently in disbelief and anger, but the larger part knows he did the right thing. Knowing he did the right thing doesn’t make it any easier though.

Jared is being stubborn, however, and it’s driving Jensen crazy. Every time he turns around, Jared is finding some reason to touch him; whether it be a hand on his shoulder, a pat on the back, shoulders rubbing as he walks by, or pulling Jensen in for a friendly and ‘totally innocent’ hug.

Then, there are the times when Jensen will look over at his friend, only to find Jared staring at him, once again. Jared seems to be staring at him constantly these days; Jensen can always feel his eyes upon him. He would like to say it makes him feel uncomfortable, and sometimes it does, but mostly it just makes him feel hot all over, and a blush is now fixed permanently on his cheeks. He enjoys knowing that Jared likes him enough to the point where he can’t keep his eyes off him, and he always feels so damn guilty for feeling that way, not to mention that it makes him sad, because he can’t do anything about it.

Sure, he would love to give in to Jared, throw caution to the wind, and give the relationship a shot. But he can’t allow himself to do that. He has been hurt so much in his life, that he has to be a little careful with his heart this time around. The last thing he wants to be is a rebound for Jared, and he refuses to lose him when it inevitably falls apart around them. If he is going to be with Jared, he wants to go into the relationship knowing for sure that Jared wants to be with him, not just looking for something to temporarily fill the void Alexis left behind.

It’s not that he thinks Jared is out to deliberately hurt him. He knows that his friend would never want to hurt him like that, but he is afraid that Jared is doing it unconsciously. Jared needs to give himself time to get over Alexis before he can even think about a relationship with someone else. Jensen would love to be that person, it’s all that he desires, but it just isn’t meant to be. Jared is straight, and, once he has his thoughts in order again, he will realize that Jensen isn’t the one he really wants, and he will be grateful to him for staying strong for the both of them. Jensen is sure of it.

Doesn’t mean I have to be happy about it though, he tells himself as he nears his room. Before he can get the door unlocked, a petite brunette is at his side, smiling widely up at him. Jensen can’t stop the smile that grows on his face, not that he would even try to in the first place.

Once he has the door unlocked, he invites Sophia inside and watches her take a seat at his desk as he shuts the door behind them. He allows his body to fall down onto his bed with a tired sigh, lying on his back. Sophia clears her throat a moment later and Jensen tilts his head to the side to face her, and is greeted with a smirk etched firmly on her face.

Jensen smiles sheepishly and tries to shrug his shoulders, the motion awkward in this position. “Sorry, Sophia, I know you’re here for a reason, not to be ignored. What’s on your mind?”

“Nothing too important, just thought I’d come spend some time with you,” she says nonchalantly, a soft smile on her face. “I’m not getting in the way of anything, am I? I’d ask if you’re busy, but I already know the answer since you’re lazing around like a bum.”

“Actually, I shouldn’t be ‘lazing around’ at all. I have unfinished class work to do that I will need tomorrow, and I can’t exactly put it off, though I’d love to,” Jensen says, groaning at just the thought of the night that awaits him.

“You can put that off and have an early dinner with your friends,” Sophia replies, making sure Jensen knows she isn’t asking him; she’s telling him.

“I dunno, Soph,” Jensen weakly protests despite the tone of final in her voice. “Like I said, I have unfinished class work to do, and I also have to work tonight. I can’t put either of them off.”

“Dinner isn’t going to take that long, Jen. Come on, come out with us tonight and I promise to have you back here with enough time to finish studying,” Sophia persuades him with her lips formed in the shape of a pout, knowing full well that Jensen can’t resist that look.

He simply remains silent for the moment, silently contemplating the idea and his options. He is a little worried that there won’t be enough time to finish studying before he has to head to work, but he also wants to go to dinner with his friends. I do have to eat sometime tonight, can’t forget that, he silently reasons with himself. It couldn’t hurt to go to dinner and then rush back after we’re finished.

When Jensen finally nods his head in agreement, a wide grin forms on Sophia’s face, knowing she has won yet again, and then she is dragging him out the door in such a rush that he has to quickly grab his room key from where he threw it on his desk.

:0Ж0:


Their friends greet them as soon as they enter McDonald’s, being loud and obnoxious to other customers, and making Jensen and Sophia smile in amusement. Jensen takes the available seat at the end of the two tables the group is occupying, sitting beside Jared. He doesn’t miss the fact that Jared isn’t staring at Alexis like he used to do; instead, his attention is focused on Jensen.

That all too familiar blush creeps up on Jensen, and once again he feels hot because of the intense gaze upon his slender frame. He tries smiling at Jared but knows it comes across as shy, and he mentally kicks himself for acting like such a girl. Jared smiles widely, dimples and all, and asks about Jensen’s day.

“It’s been alright, though I have left over work to do from my last class,” Jensen responds softly, forcing himself not to avoid Jared’s gaze. “I have to work tonight, too, so I won’t be able to stay for too long.”

“Dude, that sucks, I hate being pressed for time like that. Maybe I’ll stop in at the Paradise Café and get a coffee or something. I’ve kinda been having a craving for it lately.”

Jensen nods. “Guess I’ll either see ya there or at the dorm.”

He still has a difficult time referring to the dorm as ‘home’. He knows that is what it technically is, but he has never considered a room to be a home. He is just thankful to have a place to live, be it a dorm or a house. It could be worse, after all.

One day he would like to get a place of his own, though. Maybe a house or an apartment; whatever he can afford. It’s not that he doesn’t enjoy where he is currently living, he likes living with Jared, even though it can be hard at times. He is already saving up for the move, though he doesn’t nearly have enough yet. He is sure it will take him quite a while before he will have enough money to get a better place. Still, he is saving up and is planning on eventually getting a place of his own.

He hasn’t informed any of his friends of his plans, especially not Jared, because he doesn’t know how his friend will take the news. He is keeping it to himself for the time being, figuring it is the best option. It is still just a notion in his head anyway; he won’t bring it up until he has something concrete.

“Hey, Jen.” Jensen turns his head in Jared’s direction when he calls to him and is instantly blinded by a bright light. Cringing, he covers his eyes and rubs them, black spots dancing before him.

Vaguely, he can hear Jared laughing in amusement and frowns at his friend when he reopens his eyes, his vision still impaired. Jared is holding up a camera and grinning like a mad man. Jensen’s first instinct is to punch his friend on the arm, but instead he finds himself smiling in bemusement.

Jared holds up the camera once more to take another picture and backs up a little so it isn’t so close up. At first Jensen is glaring in mock anger, but he allows his expression to slide into a genuine smile so Jared can have a decent photo, though he suspects the previous one will be his friend’s favorite. The lovable jerk, Jensen thinks affectionately.

Once the picture is taken, Jared lowers his camera to the table and smiles gratefully. Jensen simply nods his head in answer and turns his interest to Sophia, whom is demanding his attention. She asks what he wants to eat and then leaves to go order their food.

“So, how long do you have to work tonight, Jen?” Steve inquires curiously.

“I get off at eleven, thankfully. I wasn’t even supposed to work tonight, but Danneel asked me to cover half of her shift as a favor to her,” Jensen answers. “I only have to work for four hours, so it’s not too bad.”

“Dude, Danneel is hot, wouldn’t mind snagging me a piece of that,” Chad admits, making the rest of the guys to roll their eyes.

“Better not let Sophia hear you say that, she’ll kick your ass,” Jared says with a smile.

“Or worse, withhold sex,” Chris adds with a smirk.

Chad groans and reluctantly nods his head in agreement, “Yeah, that girl can hold off like no other. I definitely do my best not to piss her off.”

“How long did she deny you this last time?” Mike asks in honest curiosity.

“A whole fuckin’ month,” Chad growls his response. “She hardly let me kiss her, let alone touch her.”

“You deserved it, asshole,” Sophia says returning to the table. “Keep in mind, the next time you kiss another girl, you’ll be going without for much longer than a month, or I just might wake the fuck up and finally decide to drop your ass.”

“You don’t wanna do that, baby, not really. You know those other girls don’t mean shit to me, and you’re the only one I want.” Chad actually coos, kissing her neck affectionately.

“Damn straight,” Sophia responds smugly, winking conspiratorially at Jensen.

Jensen snickers softly to himself as he unwraps his quarter pounder with cheese and takes a bite, half listening to the conversation around him. The topic of conversation is light and mostly unimportant, just easy going and relaxing. He silently watches as his friends laugh and smile, realizing there is no other place he would rather be.

:0Ж0:


Jensen drags his tired body into his room after having worked the past four hours, and finds Jared sitting at his computer, browsing the internet. They acknowledge one another with their eyes, but don’t utter a single word.

He was able to get most of his class work finished before heading off to work but he still has two pages left to read, so he sets his alarm an hour earlier than usual, figuring that it will give him enough time, with a little extra to spare. He definitely isn’t much of an early person, he can be downright bitchy in the mornings, and that is why he always sets his alarm an hour before he actually has to be up.

Too tired to change into his night clothes, Jensen simply strips down to his boxer briefs, takes off his glasses, and then climbs into bed. Sounding distracted, Jared asks if the light will be a problem for him and Jensen replies with, “I’m too tired to care.” Jared chuckles briefly, but goes silent almost immediately. Jensen raises an eyebrow at Jared's odd behavior but shrugs it off and lies down, getting comfortable on his side.

Just as he is starting to drift off to sleep, he is startled when the bed dips. Rolling over onto his back, Jensen stares up at his roommate quizzically. Jared merely smiles softly, hint of nerves, before slowly leaning down, and placing his lips against Jensen’s. When Jensen gasps in surprise Jared takes the opportunity to slip his tongue inside, thoroughly exploring his mouth for the very first time. Jensen has to fight with all the willpower he possesses to keep a moan from escaping his mouth. He has wanted this for so long, almost from the moment that he met the hazel eyed man, and he can’t quite believe this is happening.

On some level he knows he shouldn’t be allowing this, shouldn’t be letting this take place, but he just can’t force himself to put an end to it. When something you have been dreaming about, longing for, finally becomes a reality, well, it is difficult to reject it, even though he knows that it would be the logical thing to do.

When Jared swirls his talented tongue around his, sensually caressing, Jensen can’t hold off the moan any longer. It climbs up from deep within his chest and fades off in an echo into Jared’s awaiting mouth. He has always imagined that Jared would be an amazing kisser, but his fantasy doesn’t even come close to the reality of it. Jared is very attentive, attuned to what pleases his partner, and he’s very sensual with a hint of dominance.

Jared tastes vaguely of wintergreen gum, Mountain Dew, and something that is so genuinely Jared, that Jensen feels overwhelmed by it all; like he could be consumed at any moment and couldn’t care less. Lying wrapped up in Jared’s arms, with his mouth being devoured by adoring lips, he realizes he could stay like this forever if it were possible.

Snapping back to his senses, Jensen gently pushes Jared away and sits up, backing away slightly. “No, Jared, we can’t do this. You know how I feel about you, and there’s really only so much I can take before I won’t be able to fight this anymore.” Jensen sighs in defeat. “I’m trying to do the right thing here, Jay. Please stop pushing me.”

“How many times do I have to tell you that you’re the one that I want to be with?” Jared asks with intense eyes fixed on Jensen’s slumped form. “I know what I want, Jensen, and I’m not going into this blindly. I’ve analyzed and analyzed my feelings time and time again, and I come up with the same conclusion each time. I’m not saying I’m suddenly gay, but I know I’m bi. To be honest, it’s nothing new to me, either. I’ve always been attracted to other guys; I just never wanted to acknowledge it, and I never allowed myself to act upon that attraction.”

When Jensen doesn’t respond, Jared lets out a heavy sigh and continues, “I’m done fighting it, Jensen. I refuse to pass up the opportunity to be with you. I’m tired of lying to myself, and I won’t allow you to slip through my fingers because of any stupid fears I may have. I care about you Jen, and I’m not ashamed of it. I’m willing to fight for you, if that’s what it takes.”

Jensen finally raises his eyes to meet Jared’s, timid and afraid. “Are you sure, Jay? You have to be sure. I don’t want to be hurt in the end, and I can’t lose your friendship if you decide you made a mistake.”

“You could never be a mistake to me, Jen,” Jared responds with an adoring smile on his face, taking Jensen’s hand in his own and entwining their fingers. “I am positive, Jensen. I honestly want nothing more than to give us a chance.”

Jensen bites down on his lower lip, a smile fighting its way onto his face. “Okay, let’s give this a shot. I’m tired of fighting it, anyway.”

A wide, dimpled smile conquers Jared’s face as he grasps Jensen’s biceps and pulls him into a Jared Padalecki bear hug. Jensen laughs happily as he wraps his arms around Jared’s muscular frame and holds on tightly, relieved to finally be able to do this and express how he is really feeling.

“How does a movie sound to you for our first date?” Jared asks as he pulls away slightly, though refusing to release Jensen completely. “We can go to the Cineplex tomorrow and see where the night goes from there.”

“Sounds good to me, so long as we watch a comedy,” Jensen responds, looking up with smiling eyes.

:0Ж0:


“Damn, I don’t have anything to wear, Chris! What the hell am I going to do?” Jensen panics as he rummages through his closet, throwing clothes over his shoulder and basically tearing his closet apart. “This is my first date with Jared, the moment I’ve been waiting for. I can’t go out looking like shit!”

“Calm down, Jenny, you’re gonna give yourself a damn heart attack!” Chris admonishes as he grabs Jensen by the elbow and forcibly drags him away from his ruined closet. “Just sit the fuck down and I’ll find something kick ass for you to wear.”

Jensen reluctantly sits down on his bed and runs a hand down his face, taking a deep breath to calm himself. He knows he is making a big deal out of this, freaking out for no reason, but he can’t help it. He is going out with Jared tonight and he wants it to be perfect. In the back of his mind he knows Jared will think he looks good in whatever he decides to wear, and probably won’t pay too much attention anyway, but he can’t help the fact that he wants to look his best on such an important night.

Silently, Jensen watches as Chris goes over his clothes, taking articles of clothing out and examining them before putting them back in their places. Jared and Jensen decided that they didn’t want to keep their relationship from their friends, knowing they wouldn’t judge them. Jared said he wasn’t ready to tell his parents; he wants to see if things are going to work out between them first before he takes such a big step by coming out to his family. Jensen could understand that, and they instantly came to an agreement.

Chris, of course, was more than happy to hear that they were giving it a shot but he was also concerned for Jensen. He still finds it strange how Chris has become like a brother to him, an overprotective brother at that, but he also finds it oddly comforting. He is grateful to have Chris in his life, someone he knows will always be there and who will always have his back. More often than not, it makes him think of Josh, reminds him that he misses having his brother around, but he is still very much appreciative to have Chris around to look out for him.

“Okay, now we’re getting somewhere,” Chris says triumphantly as he pulls out a few articles of clothing from the closet. “Ya know, would it kill you to have some kind of coordination? You’re the neatest person I know, Jen, I’d almost go so far as to call you a clean freak, but your closet is a disaster!”

Jensen simply glares at his friend as he snatches the clothes out of his hands, lifting them up to examine them. “Uh, are you sure this is the best you could come up with?” he asks warily, looking at the clothing in distaste.

“You’re going to the movies, Jen, not a five star restaurant. I think you’re safe if you dress casually,” Chris mocks lightly with a roll of his eyes. “Besides, I’m sure Jared would appreciate it much more if you are yourself and don’t go trying to be something you’re not.”

Jensen reluctantly nods his head in agreement, knowing Chris is right. They are just going to see a movie, after all. He doesn’t have to get all dressed up for something like that. In the end, he would only make himself feel uncomfortable, and probably Jared too in the process. A grey t-shirt with a red button down flannel over shirt and a pair of faded blue jeans would be more fitting for their date, and it is more along the lines of how he really dresses anyway. Sure, Jared has seen him in these clothes a million times, but there really is no need to go over the top, even if it is their first date. Jared will probably be similarly dressed anyway.

With a grateful smile, Jensen takes his clothes into the bathroom and shuts the door behind him. Quickly changing into his outfit, he sprays some cheap cologne on and then proceeds to fix his hair, styling the best he can with how short it is. Lastly, he brushes his teeth until his mouth is tingling, not enjoying the idea of having bad breath for the evening.

Taking one last glance at his form in the mirror, he decides he doesn’t look half bad and exits the bathroom. Chris is sitting on his bed, flipping through a magazine, and he looks up when he appears. Nodding his head in approval, Chris rises from the bed and tells Jensen he is heading back home. Jared will be arriving any moment, his class ended five minutes ago, and then they will be heading out.

“I’m glad everything is working out for you, Jen, but don’t think you can call me after your date, being all girly, and tell me all about it. That’s Steve’s area of expertise, not mine, got it?” Chris groans and visibly shudders at the thought.

Jensen laughs at his friend, knowing Chris likes to be all macho and avoid any kind of ‘girl talk’. “Alright, I’m reading ya loud and clear. Now, get out of here, Jared should be showing up any minute.”

“Fine, I’m going,” Chris laughs softly as he opens the door, turning back to Jensen with a genuine smile on his face. “I really am glad he finally came around, Jen, you deserve to be happy.”

Instead of responding verbally, Jensen simply sends his friend a grateful smile and then Chris closes the door behind himself. Grabbing his black jacket from where it lies carelessly on his computer chair, he slips it on and puts his wallet in his back pocket. Heading back into the bathroom, he opens the medicine cabinet and takes out his contacts. He remembers how much Jared liked it the last time he wore them and figures he will appreciate them this time as well. Jensen usually likes wearing his glasses, the contacts can be a bit of a hassle sometimes, but he is willing to wear them so long as it makes Jared happy.

Having nothing else to do but wait, he takes a seat on his bed. Not wanting to appear as though he is sitting there anxiously staring at the door for the moment Jared will walk through - even if that is exactly what he is doing - he picks up a book from his nightstand and lays it open in his lap.

Not even a minute later, the door opens and Jared enters the room. A bright smile grows on his face the moment he spots Jensen sitting on his bed, making Jensen blush and gives him a small smile of his own. Jared takes his car keys out of the pocket of his grey-blue jacket and dangles them in the air, asking if he is ready to head out. Jensen nods his head, places his book back on the nightstand, and stands up.

They leave the room and proceed to walk down the hall, side by side. Trying to look inconspicuous, Jared leans over into Jensen’s personal space and says, “You smell really good, by the way.”

Jensen’s lips turn up in a smile and he glances at Jared out of the corner of his eye. “Thanks. You don’t smell too bad yourself.” He says this with a smirk, trying not to laugh.

“I should, I stole some of your cologne before I went to class.” Jared chuckles lightly, looking at Jensen with smiling eyes.

“Gee, really, I hadn’t noticed,” Jensen says with a roll of his eyes, though his voice is lacking any real heat.

“What can I say, I need to buy some cologne, I ran out. Besides, yours smells awfully good and I definitely don’t mind smelling like you throughout the day.”

“Oh, I’m sure you don’t,” Jensen doesn’t even try to stifle the laugh that escapes, pushing Jared and saying, “Come on, let’s just get to the theater before the movie starts.”

:0Ж0:


“So, what movie do you want to see?” Jared asks as they look at the posters that are currently playing at the cinema.

“I dunno, almost all of them sound good,” Jensen replies while looking between two of the movie posters, contemplating between them. “What do you think about seeing Dogma?”

“You must’ve read my mind ‘cause I was just thinking the same thing,” Jared smiles.

Instead of replying, Jensen simply grabs a hold of Jared’s arm and proceeds to drag him into the building. When he pulls out his money, however, to pay the lady at the ticket booth Jared slaps his hand and takes out his own wallet. Jensen protests, saying he can afford to pay, but this all falls on deaf ears.

Having Jared pay for their date kind of makes Jensen feel like a girl, but he also can’t help smiling at the fact that Jared wants this to be his treat. It doesn’t mean Jensen is going to let him get away with it, of course, but it is still nice all the same. He is determined to at least pay for something on their date, though. He won’t allow Jared to pay for everything. Jensen may be gay, but he is in no way a girl, and he would feel funny if he didn’t at least spend some of his money on their date.

When they move on to the snack area, Jensen asks what Jared wants. Jared, as expected, starts to protest immediately, once he figures out that Jensen intends on paying for their food. Jensen is nothing but determined though, and eventually Jared has no choice but to give in.

Once they have their drinks, popcorn, and Jared’s skittles, they head off in the direction of the room playing the movie they have come to see. Jared opens the door for Jensen, smiling widely as he does so, and Jensen has to refrain from laughing in amusement. He always figured going on a date with Jared would be an experience to remember, but this is just ridiculous. Jared is treating him like a girl, which might be because he has never gone on a date with a guy before, but Jensen makes a mental note to show him that he doesn’t have to be such a gentleman with him. There will be none of this, opening doors for him, paying for everything, and definitely no pulling out chairs.

Instead of saying anything and embarrassing Jared, or worse, ruining their date, Jensen slides past Jared and waits for his eyes to adjust to the dim lighting. He is just glad that they arrived before the movie started; trying to navigate your way through darkness is just a pain in the ass.

Approaching the rows of seats set up in the decent sized theater, Jared suggests they sit toward the back where it will be less likely that anyone will sit too close to them. Jensen agrees and makes his way towards the far left side of the room and sitting down in the middle of the row - Jared’s suggestion, since he figures no one would try to sit with them if there weren’t enough open seats on either side of them. They settle in their seats and place the popcorn in the middle of them so they can both reach it.

A moment later the previews begin and the whole theater descends into darkness with only the screen giving off any light. Jared comments on the preview once it is over, saying how that it looks like one of the stupidest movies ever made, and Jensen laughs because he has to agree.

Jared continues to comment on each preview that is played, reaching over and grabbing handfuls of popcorn. Jensen fights hard not to laugh; not only because what Jared is saying is funny, but because as he watches Jared stuff his face with popcorn and he can’t help thinking he is like a Hoover vacuum. He decides to keep this thought to himself, knowing that the comment would only earn him a glare, or a punch to the arm.

Jared eventually shuts his mouth as soon as the movie begins and they both get more comfortable in their seats, or as comfortable as they can get in these crappy chairs. The theater has filled up fairly well, yet the closest people to them are a few rows in front. They can sit and watch the movie in peace, and enjoy each other’s company without worrying over anyone looking at them strangely.

Halfway into the movie Jared reaches over and takes Jensen’s hand in his own, the darkness hiding their entwined fingers. Jensen glances over to see Jared’s eyes fixated on the screen, though he can tell the movie doesn’t have his attention. A smile slowly forms on his face as he turns his attention back to the movie, lightly squeezing Jared’s hand to express his happiness without saying a single word.

When Jared squeezes his hand in return, Jensen feels himself relax further in the other man’s presence and allows himself to enjoy the movie with the knowledge that Jared’s sitting next to him and that this is their first date.

:0Ж0:


Jared parks his vehicle in the empty parking lot of a nearby park and they both climb out, almost shutting the doors in sync. They had both decided that they weren’t ready to head back to the dorm just yet, and they didn’t feel like going anywhere crowded. Jared suggested they go to the deserted park so they could have some privacy and be free to be themselves.

Jared hasn’t said anything about how he is feeling, but he really doesn’t have to; Jensen can sense it. Jared may want to give them a chance, but he isn’t ready for any kind of public displays of affection. He is afraid of anyone finding out he is bisexual. He is fine with his friends knowing, but he isn’t ready to be himself out in public; he doesn’t want anyone to see them and know they are on a date. He is afraid of the reaction their kind of relationship will bring them.

Jensen can’t blame him; he was freaked out when he first discovered, and accepted, that he was gay. Hell, he and Brian didn’t act like a couple in public, either. There is no way he can fault Jared for being scared. It is all a part of the process of accepting your sexuality. Jensen can wait for Jared to be ready. He knows his patience will be worth it when all is said and done.

Jensen refrains from taking hold of Jared’s hand; at least until they are further into the park where it is less likely that anyone will spot them from the street. He knows Jared would probably freak out if he did, so he is not going to risk ruining their date in any way. At first, he had been reluctant to give this a try, but now he is glad that he took the chance. Despite being afraid of getting hurt, he really does want to be with Jared, and he knows he would regret it if he didn’t at least make the effort to see if this can work.

“I’m really having a good time,” Jared practically whispers, a rare blush coloring his cheeks as he looks down at the sidewalk beneath his feet. “I’m glad you agreed to go out with me tonight, I was almost convinced that you’d never allow this to happen.”

“I almost didn’t,” Jensen admits with a small smile. “I realized you were already under my skin though, and there’s nothing I can do about it. It’d be stupid of me to deny it any longer, to deny myself. You have to understand where I was coming from, though. I mean, it wasn’t that I didn’t want to give us a shot.”

“I understand, Jensen, I really do. You were afraid of being a rebound for me, and I can’t say that I blame you. A rebound is far from what you really are to me, though. You will always be my best friend, but along the way I realized that something had changed between us, something I hadn’t wanted to acknowledge at first,” Jared says softly as they wander deeper into the park, the street nowhere in sight. “You were right to reject me, even I knew that, but that doesn’t mean I was going to give up. I knew what I wanted; I only had to convince you of that.”

“I think I’m starting to believe it,” Jensen replies shyly, looking up at Jared through his lashes.

“Good, ‘cause while I’m willing to wait as long as it takes to convince you, I’d really like to see where this takes us now rather than later,” Jared responds with a wide, dimpled smile.

Jensen can’t keep the smile off his face when Jared takes his hand in his own, entwining their fingers. He doesn’t say anything, in fear of Jared freaking out because they are out in public, and he just glances up and lets his eyes express how much he approves the bold move. Jared briefly tightens his hold on Jensen’s hand before relaxing.

They walk along the sidewalk at a leisurely pace and simply enjoy one another’s company. They continue further down the path until they find a picnic table and take a seat, resting their backs against the table top. Silence has befallen them, but it isn’t uncomfortable or awkward, and neither one finds themselves wanting to break it.

The cold night air begins to affect Jensen after ten minutes of sitting still and he finds himself beginning to shiver. Jared realizes this and wraps his arm around him, pulling him in closer to share body heat. Jensen smiles up at him gratefully and snuggles further into the warm embrace.

“I know we just went on our first date, and I really don’t want to push my luck, but I’d really like to make this thing between us official,” Jared says softly, glancing down at the man in his arms. “I want you to be my boyfriend, Jensen. What do you think of that idea? You can say no, I don’t want to push you or anything, but I’d really like it if you said yes.”

Jensen pretends to ponder this for a second, pulling a face just for good measure. “Of course, I’d like that. It’s all I’ve wanted for quite a while now,” he responds, poking Jared in the side teasingly and smiling like a loon.

Jared simply smiles in return before glancing around them, making sure they are indeed alone, and then leaning down and capturing Jensen’s awaiting lips. Jensen instantly welcomes Jared’s tongue and wraps his arms around his neck, getting lost in the kiss and blocking the whole world out.


Next
 
 
Mood: anxiousanxious
Music: Imagine Dragons
 
 
 
Dev: Chibi J2 Kissnice_demon on January 22nd, 2014 04:06 pm (UTC)
Aww so sweet! I like how caring Jared is.
Lovely chapter!
FadedSparksfadedsparks on January 22nd, 2014 07:47 pm (UTC)
I'm glad you're pleased with how the story is progressing. :)